Stream of bloody consciousness

I could probably set my blog posts up to be on rotation, because these emotions are cyclical and predictable based on yet another failed attempt to conceive naturally this cycle. The last few weeks have been immensely frustrating.  I’ve spent time working towards psychologically preparing myself for IVF but this is now going to take… Continue reading Stream of bloody consciousness

What part of insensitive can you not understand?

Honestly, it baffles me.  The days when my place of work served as a needed escape from my own baby related issues are long gone.  Of course the topic is always going to surface in some way, but seriously, I am astounded.  You are an intelligent group of people – you represent elite universities including… Continue reading What part of insensitive can you not understand?

The strength of a superwoman… (IVF Therapy)

Dear therapist, You got me thinking.  I wasn’t sure how our session went yesterday, but my head was spinning so much about the different direction it went it, i didn’t realise the value until i had left. For the first time since i started with you, we didn’t focus on the losses and the difficulties… Continue reading The strength of a superwoman… (IVF Therapy)

Boy, it sucks to be a woman #careerquandaries

Today I am sitting at work, feeling slightly worthless and with a looming sense of doom as I am now 2 months from my 33rd birthday.  In many respects, my career choices – and my husband’s- have been to blame for our current situation.  It started when I was 16, a little bit like this:… Continue reading Boy, it sucks to be a woman #careerquandaries

Round and Round we go

I’ve become someone I loathe.  I’ve become my own situation.  I’ve let this journey of grief overcome me.  I feel done.  Heartbroken.  Tired.  Bored.  Sad.  Longing for my naivety, remembering how it felt to have hopes of a summer baby as soon as we started this journey.  Recalling those first joyful tears I cried in… Continue reading Round and Round we go

Infertility and Inclusion

I recall my in-laws joking with us for being in a committed relationship whilst we were in our early 20’s and at uni – and suddenly, here we are, looking at his younger siblings, now married and raising their young children. The loss isn’t just a physical and emotional loss of our own babies and what… Continue reading Infertility and Inclusion