IVF: InVincible Focus

I mean, i don’t get off on injecting myself, but at least each evening i can feel like i am pushing on through another day, another moment closer through this torturous journey – perhaps on my way to our miracle.  I am certainly not a fan of my latest addition to my evening stomach spearing… Continue reading IVF: InVincible Focus

Failing in friendships: fertility vs friends

Dear friends, I probably owe you an explanation. I know I’ve been absent these last few years, and I don’t intend on always being in hiding, so I hope that door is still going to be open in the future. Some of you have tried to reach out, to offer to meet, have a coffee,… Continue reading Failing in friendships: fertility vs friends

Gaining through the loss

Maybe the best way to actually consolidate this is to bullet point it.  The message is clear.  The loss which lies at the core of my broken heart and soul, the loss that fills every day with emptiness, the loss that makes me feel inadequate, the loss that makes me lost, the loss that forever… Continue reading Gaining through the loss

Diary Entry of a Defunct Sat Nav

Have you ever thought how similar your journey might be do a totally dud, broken, outdated SatNav?  It’s as though this journey represents the defunct Google Maps waiting for the software update – totally useless in the meantime, performing a U turn, taking wrong directions, hitting dead ends…wrong place, wrong time, wrong gadget hidden in… Continue reading Diary Entry of a Defunct Sat Nav

Stream of bloody consciousness

I could probably set my blog posts up to be on rotation, because these emotions are cyclical and predictable based on yet another failed attempt to conceive naturally this cycle. The last few weeks have been immensely frustrating.  I’ve spent time working towards psychologically preparing myself for IVF but this is now going to take… Continue reading Stream of bloody consciousness

The strength of a superwoman… (IVF Therapy)

Dear therapist, You got me thinking.  I wasn’t sure how our session went yesterday, but my head was spinning so much about the different direction it went it, i didn’t realise the value until i had left. For the first time since i started with you, we didn’t focus on the losses and the difficulties… Continue reading The strength of a superwoman… (IVF Therapy)

Round and Round we go

I’ve become someone I loathe.  I’ve become my own situation.  I’ve let this journey of grief overcome me.  I feel done.  Heartbroken.  Tired.  Bored.  Sad.  Longing for my naivety, remembering how it felt to have hopes of a summer baby as soon as we started this journey.  Recalling those first joyful tears I cried in… Continue reading Round and Round we go